June 28, 2018

Dear Eva,

Another warm, sunny day in the books. The perfect day for the first day of the fair. The day we liked to take you. The least busy day. The best day to go. So, bullet bit, Daddy and I went to the fair today. It’s always good to face our fears, big or small. Some may see this as a small fear but for Mama it was a pretty big fear. I didn’t know how I would feel being there without you. I think that was the scariest part, how much going to the fair would make me miss you.

All the sights, sounds, and smells really brought back so many memories. Walking the grounds with you in the stroller just pointing and giggling at all the bright colors and loud noises. The first time you ate mini donuts. Just pure happiness. For all of us. Today did make the longing a little bit stronger. It also felt good to face that fear and to make it through without any tears. I actually loved the excited laughs from all the bubbly little kids, the smiles on all the Mama’s faces as they watched their kids having a blast, all the strollers filled with little babies at the fair for their first time. We bumped into a few people we know, and got knowing smiles from them which was great encouragement for Mama. Facing these things is proving to be very healing for Mama. I feel you so strongly in these moments and it really does help.

I hope I always feel you as strongly as I do on days like today. I hope I always take the time to recognized that you are with me. That I always see the signs you give me. I hope that I always keep the faith I need to know that you are still beside us. I know that you visited Aunty Rayleen today while she was out fixing fence. I know she liked that, baby girl. Please keep giving us all these little signs. The lady bugs are by far my favorite of all your signs. I also know that Grandma Cindy also really loves her Hummingbird that you sent. It’s a pretty one! Just keep doing you my girl.  We all miss you so much and it helps all of our hearts when we see your signs. You are the best angel out there my girl – I know it with all my heart!

I love You to heaven and back!

Love and Kisses,

Your Mama.

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