June 1, 2018

Dear Eva,

Today marks a new month, a fresh start. Today also marks the start of a very busy, kind of intimidating month. June is chock full of weddings, birthdays, and regular summer plans. Things that we were planning to do with you. Things that you were supposed to be here for. June meant a wedding in which you would be Flower Girl for the very first time. June meant a special birthday for Aunty Jack. June meant two other weddings and three other birthdays. Mama is going to have to learn very quickly how to take a step back when things get overwhelming. June now means a hard month that is going to be full of tears, there will be happy moments but there will also be tears. I hope that pre planning a little bit will help, and knowing when it’s time to go home. I know that nobody expects as much out of Mama as she does out of herself. I know that everyone will understand when Mama and Daddy need to go home. Please give me the strength to understand that for myself, baby girl. I know you will.

I know that you give me strength every minute of everyday. In the moments at work when I get so tired that I can’t lift my head, you give me the little push I need to close my eyes, take a deep breath and carry on. In the moments when I lose three producers to health issues in one week, you give Mama the strength to step back from my own grief and comfort their wives. Even if that means crying in the bathroom after she leaves, with a card from us in her hands. You give Mama the courage to smile instead of cry every time I see pictures of other little ones around your age. You will always be my strength. The silent “go get ’em” and invisible hug from the warm breeze will always be you. Mama promises to always acknowledge this strength as a little extra help from my Turkey Bird in the clouds.

I hope you always know how much we love you. I hope you always know how much we miss you. I hope you always know how proud you made us. You are the strongest little girl in the world, and I hope you know that we are only as strong as we are, because of you. Everything we do is because of you. All the lessons we’ve learned are because of you.

Fly high with those angel wings that you have now. I know your wings aren’t just boring white. Your wings are big, beautiful, sparkley, purple, butterfly like wings. I know this because I know that you guided Jody to create a picture that shows Mama and Daddy who you are now. You knew that Mama needed to know that you have the most beautiful, unique wings in all of the heavens. Show those off, Baby Girl, you’ve earned it!

I love you the most, little Turd Nugget.

Love and Kisses,

Your Mama.

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